stay
by memories of saturday
Summary: I honestly can't remember how all this thing started. He was never my greatest company from before and was never my favorite person in this world, and also, I swear that he hated me more than anything else since the first time he laid his eyes on me. But one night, we just found ourselves going all down with each other, hence leading into another one of this situation.
1. stay

I was sprawled on top of him with just his thin blanket covering the two of us. His hands were resting on my back as always, as I count the number of his breathing before I walk towards his door, before I leave. Just like the same thing I do every single night that this thing happens.

I honestly can't remember how all this thing started. He was never my greatest company from before and was never my favorite person in this world, and also, I swear that he hated me more than anything else since the first time he laid his eyes on me. But one night, we just found ourselves going all down with each other, hence leading into another one of this situation. Always this situation.

I tried to move a little, he made a grunt sound but kept his eyes shut. Such a heavy sleeper, Natsume Hyuuga.

And then the crazy mumblings I had been thinking since last night came upon me as I whispered in his sleep "I heard you and Ruka yesterday, talking." The memory of the event, flowing clearly on my mind.

"He asked you, were does our relationship stand?" I took a pause and continued "but you didn't exactly reply."

I rolled to my side of his bed and used his arms as my pillow and whispered "and I can't even argue about your silence back then" I traced my finger on his chest "how would I explain to them what we are when even the two of us haven't really figured it out, it's like describing how a color looks like to a blind person."

"But then, we can't continue doing this" and I took grab of his hand and kissed his fingers, "no matter how good we are in bed, we can't continue this."

"I am still in great debt to your family, I can't do this further." And a tear fell down my face "especially to your mom. I never do anything that would betray your mom's trust. I owe her so much" And I muffled a sob.

"and it's like every time I woke up in your bed, every time you wrap me in your blankets, I would see your mom's happy face as she held me back then from the moment I lost my dad" and I tried to wipe my tears but it still kept falling. "Sometimes, I wonder what it would have been like if it wasn't your family that took care of me, then maybe, we could work this out, and that maybe, we could be together."

"I love you." I whispered to him, "I love you so much, that some nights I wish I never lost my family, that I was never sent to yours to beg for care, and that the first time you had seen me would like to be an ideal meet up. That I would impress you with the sweet things that could come up with my lips, and that you would want to call me, and we could have dated the same way every one does." I touched his lips with my fingertips and continued "for one day, cant we just be Mikan and Natsume? No family attachments, no-"and I broke down.

"I watched you as you speak in the board room you know, I paid a visit last week" I give him a smile as if he can see me "your dad was so proud, that even though you tend to bicker with him, still he supports you without most sincerity. You're just too stubborn to admit something as personal as that."

"The way everyone pays attention to you, the way they would recognize the ideas you contribute, Natsume, you've got a very bright future in front of you. And I would not dare hold you back something you clearly deserve. I do not deserve someone as special as you are."

He shuffled. And I froze.

I sneaked a glance on his direction, as I was convinced he was still asleep, I continued "I saw that article saying you were dating Luna, everyone was talking about that, but I never had the courage to ask you if it was true. But I guess it was real since she came unto me last Monday at the classroom. I was teaching the children to make origami when she barged in. she told me to keep away from you." More tears fell down "but what can I do? It's not like I am the perfect match for you or something. I am the kind of girl that doesn't fit in the description of someone for your kind; I'm too mediocre, nothing special kind of girl, someone you can't brag around the people surrounding you. "

"I am just a girl who is in great debt to you and your family, who teaches kindergarten student with a very bleak future ahead and you are Natsume Hyuuga, the bright, intelligent and sophisticated man every girl is pinning for." And I wrap my arms around him "and it would be a nuisance if anyone would find out that I had been warming your bed for quite a time now, this has to stop. I'm so sorry I had led things into this."

A few minutes of silence has passed, and I pulled myself away from him, I kissed his forehead and said "sweet dreams, Natsume." but before I could completely let him go, a pair of arm wraps around me and pulled me into him as he kissed my collarbone and said,

"Stay."

I would never own GA, and I am sorry for all the typos and grammatical errors present in this story, oh and if a review would not hurt, please drop one. I would like to read one from you.


	2. Forever

One world would describe what Mikan Sakura is in my life: Pandemonium.

As she rested her head on my chest after a perfect night, I would do what I do best. Watch her as fell asleep to her dream land. And I would never give away this proposition I have to stay within her side.

Her father was our family's head of security, and he passed away saving me. The day she lost her dad was the day I had continued mine, not that Mikan would ever see it that way. She never failed to see the happiness in every dark moment. She's my personal jester in my personal pessimism, and yet I can't bring myself to make her mine, no title to hold her back in my arms.

As she drift into sleep, her sweet mumblings and short sighs come in, her personal sound, a little too much for me to take but a lot of nerve for me to keep my hand of her, not when her auburn locks is sprawled all around me. It's like breathing her in, not just marking her skin.

She was full of gratitude, thinking it was her who owe us everything, when I would say it was me who is in great debt of her every single day, for I created the reason for her well concealed grief. If I was just mature enough back then, then maybe, just maybe, I would have the courage to finally ask her to be mine. All mine.

Tomorrow, it would be worse. When both of us are sober, just like every perfect night we lay together like this , she would start to think of reasons why she couldn't have me. Of how she doesn't deserve me, a foolish conclusion to an absurd weighing of contentment, as if I'm out of her league when it is exactly the opposite. She's too Mikan, too innocent, too naïve, too sweet and too simple to feel undeserving of someone as boring and monotonous as Natsume. And as selfish as I am, tomorrow, I would make her stay. In my arms, every single night.

I've got enough of the past nights that she would crawl out of the bed to get rid of me, as if everything is a mistake, but even though I doubt that she would agree to be with me, I am certain on how I feel. I love Mikan Sakura, and no amount of criticism from anyone regarding her disposition in our family would ever matter.

I came to her life intending to act less interested, less inclined, less unaffected by her smiles, her laugh, her sweet mouth, but the longer this act continues, the faster I came running back to her feet silently begging for her to take me. And she never said no, not once as I swore my loyalty in her hands, and I am drowning from my crude greed of having her all for myself as jealousy eats me every time I see her with another man, harmless or not.

The only thing keeping me alive at work is that at sometimes she would make way and pay me a visit in my office. She wouldn't exactly be visiting me, she would visit everyone, and may I just make it clear that I am the insignificant part of everyone, the nothing special Natsume Hyuuga. She would go around passing the boardroom door oblivious of me, she would visit my secretary Anna, drop a sweet card for my assistant associate Hotaru, chat a little with Koko and Yuu, and maybe, for a very little but significant time, she would sneak a peek and smile at my direction. As if it would be very wrong for her to even speak of me infront of everyone, as if being with her would bring us a whole pack of mess. As if, I hadn't known I would never be good enough for her. Not that I would not try.

The first night we've been in this situation came from a not so perfect predicament, we were bantering of why she would not work under me, I could give her an easier job, at my grip, where I can see her, and I could give her every perks a Hyuuga employee would enjoy, but she insisted on teaching students, and it felt as if she chose the young ones over me, me who's been dying to hold her for years. Not that she had ever paid attention and notice it. And I just lose control. That time, I let myself believe that it was my lustful side that took over me, but then I was wrong, cause the next thing I knew, we were doing it more often, and admit it or not, it became an aloof representation of my frustrated feelings for her. Like, the more we do it, the more it made me crave for her. Were not friends to be friends with benefits, but Ruka said that only a fool would say that there's nothing going on between us. Mikan and Natsume, just like the old times, unsure of where they stand just like the time that I would not breath the same air she breaths for the guilt I would always bear for taking her father's life in place of mine.

I traced the curve of her back with my fingers, and being a light sleeper as she is, she slowly opened her eyes and whispered "sleep, it's late. You've got work tomorrow." Before she draw her fingers to my lips and smile.

She would be the death of me.

And I am kissing her senselessly. And I would never grow tired of it. "Natsume." She said, barely a whisper as she placed her hands on the sides of my face,. And I stopped, trying to see her eyes with the dim light coming from our—my bedside lamps. The true voice an angel, sent to take my sanity away.

I reached for her left hand and I entwined my fingers with hers and said, "yours." But she was asleep before I even placed our hands across my beating heart, before she could even fully comprehend what I meant, she was back to her dream land, where I hope she would find me walking with her together with the unicorns and rainbow she adores.

As I swore my love for her would always be "forever".

It wasn't supposed to be a twoshot, but I was baking and I thought of the word forever and I ended up writing this, again I do not own GA. Happy new year folks. ;)


End file.
